Your Online Dating Guide - Valuable Hints, Tips and
Guides to Make Your
Online Dating Experience a Success
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How To Date Online
Internet online dating takes patience and practice and it's not always for
the faint hearted. Just because you are seated at your own computer
doesn't mean that people will come to chat with you for no reason. No even
in this medium of Internet dating, you must take the initiative and
actively seek to contact those you like whilst ignoring those you do not.
Many tens of thousands of people worldwide enter Internet dating sites
everyday of the year, some are serious, some are not. Some want marriage,
some seek sex, others simply wish for companionship. When accessing online
dating, it is your task not only to represent yourself in the best
possible light but also to speak to those who are of interest and
discourage those who are not.
When using dating services you must learn to take responsibility for your
actions, reply to messages, send well constructed opening greetings to
people you are attracted to and get the most for your money. Yes money,
because the professional dating sites are not free. That is not quite
true, some Internet dating agency sites are free, but they tend not be of
the same quality as a professional ecommerce Internet dating agency. No,
an Internet dating agency charges for a reason. Firstly it discourages the
fly-by-nights and those who seek only to surf and be curious. Secondly
online dating sites are expensive to run proficiently and therefore a
premium rate membership is charged to allow for premium services for
communication such as onsite email, instant messaging, chat rooms,
articles and assistance. In other words, you get what you pay for, and
that means instant access and sophisticated means of contacting other
Who are the most successful people who date online? Well, it depends on
your view of success. If you mean who are the most popular, the busiest,
those with the fullest diaries, even those who go on the most dates, well
that's easy. They are the people who are kind and polite to everyone,
always chatting, have a good friends' list, they frequently use email and
messaging, they access the chat rooms and call their voicemail to get to
know people. In other words they are busy and confident and willing to use
all the dating means of communication at their disposal. If you are shy
and inexperienced it doesn't matter because we are here to help you.
If you want to get the best from your dating services membership, try to
present the right image, get people to interact with you by chatting
daily, and become popular online by being friendly.
These basics may help you on one of the best ways of meeting people there
• Obvious one - complete your profile fully. No, not partially! Fully! And
accurately! There is nothing worse for a browsing member using dating
services than spending their quality time opening your profile only to
find your profile is full of Ask Me statements. Okay, it's cool that you
may wish to discuss everything one-to-one and disclose nothing in advance,
but you have to attract someone in the first place! Our members want to
read about you! Today! You can start being enigmatic later. So let's start
by providing something to chat about --- you! Would you go into a bar with
a bag over your head? Exactly. Well an incomplete profile is a very
similar start. So ....Be informative, be complete, be thorough, be of
• When creating your own Personals ads on a singles web site, add a
photograph or two or even four! Members with photos are likely to get up
to 9 times more replies than members without any photo image attached to
their profile. Why? Because people like to know who they are dealing with,
especially when viewing Personals, and especially when they have already
displayed their photo to you. People feel confident with, and possible
attraction to, someone who is willing to show their face. After all, it's
nice to know what your future partner looks like, right?! Okay, I know we
aren't all photogenic models, but believe me; any photo is far better than
none at all. Browsing Personals is much more fun when viewing photos too.
• Now here is good dating advice. Add a nice photo. A photo of you. A
smiling photo. A smiling photo up close. A recent smiling photo up close!
Make sure your photos are recent (preferably less than 6 months old) and
that you are happy. If they are not fairly recent then okay if you look
the same. However if you have altered and you post old photos then you may
be not only fooling others but also yourself. Sometimes people think that
using an old photo when Internet dating won't matter because in the end
its personality that counts. That is true, but once again its not
generally about looks, its about honesty.
• When using a singles web site, don't be aggressive or rude in your
Internet dating profile. Take some good dating advice. It may be your
sense of humour to be sarcastic or cutting, but it doesn't always come
across best in anonymous text. Biting hammer in the first instance will
not usually attract the desired attention, even if it's meant to be
amusing. That comes once you are chatting.
• You may have had a bad time with a previous partner, but making a list
of specific criteria a future partner must meet usually has the effect of
making people look elsewhere. Even if these available singles match! We
all seek Mr. Right and Miss Right, but turning dating into a job interview
for singles everywhere removes every ounce of romance and passion from the
occasion. Lets have fun guys and not trade resumes! If you are searching
for Mar Right, girls, then make sure you present yourself as their Miss
Right. Mr. Right out there, are you listening...the same applies to you!
• If you wish to use swear words on a singles web site, then save them!
The best dating advice I can give is - please don't use them here in your
profile or conversations and emails. They are generally offensive and
really do turn people off.
• When Internet dating, make your profile truthful above all things, but
emphasize your best characteristics. Admitting that you are a loner who
has no friends will not win you new friends usually. But emphasizing that
you are a true individual with unique genuine properties, will.
• Don't manufacture the truth as this is one of the worst things about the
reputation of Internet daters and Internet dating. We pride ourselves on
having very honest genuine members who are keen to date and find their
perfect partner. The key thing about the truth is that it always reveals
itself in the end. So, even though you may think that not being entirely
accurate about perhaps a small detail isn't too important (status or age
or height or weight for example), the fact is that once the truth is
revealed, generally your potential Mar Right or Miss Right WILL run away.
Small things shouldn't matter and often don't, but misleading someone
• If you really feel passionate about something say so, don't try and hide
the things that are important to you. If you love partying say so, if your
religion is important to you, say so. Don't suppress or hide things that
are part of who you are. Stand tall and proud. Singles dating online, and
people in general even, often make the error of trying to be what they
think the other person wants them to be. Pretending is a fool's game and
it won't work,-Be yourself.
• Chat to as many people as possible via online dating sites and dating
services like Adult matchmaker, using every method we offer, but also try
to be realistic about time and commitment.. We have provided you with some
amazing methods to communicate with, so give them a go. Frequently. A few
emails once a quarter will not probably bring you life long happiness,
though there is a chance. Like all things in life - the more you put in
using Internet dating services, the more successful you will be.
• Do not pretend that you are willing to fly half way round the world to
meet someone you have been chatting to when using online dating sites if
you are not really serious. It's not fair on anyone including you. It's
easy to get carried away with a lovely person seven thousand miles away,
but are you really going to get out of that chair and go and meet them? If
you are, you have our utmost support and respect. If you are really only
looking for some one in your state or close to home then stick with that
and make it clear.
• If available, use secure voicemail services to hear what single men and
single women sound like. The sound of a voice is a powerful and very real
experience. Perhaps try leaving someone a message. It's a good way of
introducing yourself. But do plan your message in advance. Mumbling and
stuttering down the phone with an unplanned message will not present a
confident opening impression.
• Do use the Internet dating chat rooms to gain confidence, as they are
totally anonymous and full of single women and single men like you. You
can chat as part of a group, and when you feel some desire and interest or
you simply feel more confident, try chatting to a person privately or
one-to-one. Afterwards, why not email and send a message to introduce
yourself more fully. All perfect relationships have to begin somewhere.
• Make use of your very own Internet dating friends' list, its there for
you to build yourself your own special community of single men and single
women you like; people you get on with, and people you can build a
trusting friendship. And maybe more.
• Always try and reply to people's messages and reply in a reasonable
amount of time, not weeks later. If you are serious about dating, you are
serious about replying. They have taken the time to talk or write to you
and they may be really nice. You cannot always tell from a few sentences
or a grainy photo. Then again, maybe you can! But you can't always tell a
great deal from a photograph so try not to appear rude. You may not be the
perfect match, but they could introduce you to someone who is!
• Be patient, it takes time to find someone special when using online
dating sites and dating services, like anywhere else for that matter.
Using an Internet dating agency requires practise and commitment like
anything else worth doing. After all, it's just that one special person
that you wish to meet. Sometimes you need to chat to quite a few people
first via a good Internet dating agency. Unfortunately, that’s the world
we live in. Take your time to complete your Internet dating agency
profile, take your time to chat with many different people using different
kinds of dating services available, and take your time to get to know
someone well. Socialize and chat frequently and soon enough we truly
believe you will be pleasantly surprised.
• Think positive and keep thinking positive.
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Dating Ideas - Great Places to Date
When faced with the prospect of dating
ideas with someone new, it is always amazing how quickly one's mental
creative energies normally nuclear fuelled take on the attributes of the
Sahara Desert. Yes, Saturday and Sunday need to be filled as does Tuesday
evening with person X and what have you thought of so far ? Zilch!
Ironically, whilst our minds are buzzing with thousands of ideas they are
usually all useless and not appropriate in this instance. Two weeks last
Thursday you could have thought of flying to Niagara Falls for dinner,
ballooning over Paris at dawn or swimming naked together by moonlight in
your local pool. But two weeks later with new date on the phone and even
worse heading to meet you after work and you can think of absolutely
nothing at all. Worse still, you have no preference and start using
phrases like "no, that's fine, whatever you like, its up to you, you
Stop right there. There is a danger here of appearing completely useless
and about to fall at the first hurdle so its time to pre-plan and get your
thinking caps on. Its time for dating ideas. Of course dating ideas differ
depending on whether it is first date, second date or so on. Maybe you are
hoping that the third date will be spent in bed but lets not get ahead of
ourselves. For now we will stick to social functions and activities their
parents would approve of.
The key to dating in the early stages is keeping it manageable,
relatively inexpensive, within easy travel proximity's and also within
manageable timelines. Particularly on a
first date, you may wish to leave early, or so may they. An exit plan for
both guys and girls is always useful. After the initial date the key to
good dating ideas is to make them sociable, relaxed, fun, public and
open-ended. Lets face it, why stop a date that is really going well. That
is why I favour lunchtimes for first dates and afternoons for weekend
second dates. Lunchtimes are good because they have predetermined time
restrictions and can be abandoned if necessary with little harm done.
Saturday afternoons are great for a second date because that allows both
of you to over run if things are going really well.
Dinner is often the case for a first date but its often too formal leading
to too much social pressure. Both parties feel obliged to finish the meal
even if its going badly and there is always a decent sized bill to cap it
all. Its late in the day so parties may not sparkle as they normally
would, there may be transport issues, darkness, alcohol, fatigue, dress
and very importantly, the restaurant may not be to both tastes.
So with this in mind here are some ideas for keeping things fun, real and
enjoyable. Make your own list in advance of any dating for your own city
so that you have some ideas in advance. Always have a good food guide and
know some nice daytime places to visit. Oh and always avoid places where
you can't chat, like the movies!
Lunchtime convenient coffee shop
Early evening restaurant
Weekend walk in the park and lunch
Visit the Zoo and lunch
Indoor Bowling and dinner
A ballgame or sports event and lunch
Art Gallery and museums
Amusement and adventure park
All day Water park - Summer !
Visit the beach and lunch
Include them in a sporting activity
Visit a tourist attraction and take in drinks and dinner
Theater and dinner
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Aussie Beach Dating
When summer looms, it's time to take stock guys. You are going to have to
go to the beach at some stage, and even worse you are going to have to
take your shirt off, unless you want to look like you are concealing
something. If you want to meet girls on the sand then the very first thing
you must do is GO TO THE GYM. I cannot say this more clearly, sort your
body out. If you begin in April, 3 months of training will lead you into a
confident packed July. Certainly you will feel a great deal better about
yourself anyway as I know miracles don't happen over night.
Then I have to mention body hair. Whilst amassing body hair as one gets
older may be nature's way of keeping us warm, a huge mountain of hair over
your shoulders and back simply will not do. Women generally don't find to
attractive so lose it. Where do you lose it? Straight down to the waxing
salon my friend. It may hurt, but only once every six weeks and girls have
their legs waxed all the time so pull your self together. Gyms often have
an area that caters for waxing and if all else fails get your mom or
sister (perhaps not your father!) to do it with a home waxing kit. It will
take a few minutes and make a huge difference to your desirability factor.
Okay so once your body and hair cover are in good shape also consider a
tanning salon for 3 sessions if you are pale. Going on the beach and being
seen from outer space is not cool and neither do you want to waste a week
or two of meeting time getting a tan. Get to a tanning center and a few
sessions will ready the skin pigments for more rapid tanning (so I am told
so don't sue me!).
So, now that you are primed lets get down to the beach and meet some
First of all, the beach is often full of girls and they are often as bored
as everyone else. We can pretend that the beach is a fascinating place and
it is when we are looking at people we fancy but just laying in the sand
for 10 hour stretches isn't interesting in itself. Though it is a good
place for a sleep. No, my friend, girls are waiting for you to stroll past
and entertain them, even if it's only at third hand.
The first thing to point out is that the beach is generally a relaxed
place full of chilled-out people who are half-dazed, half-hungover,
half-blinded by sunlight and half-asleep. So to make an impression you are
going to have to do some approaching to make things happen. Now the first
thing to point out is that ogling the bathing beauties isn't going to get
you anywhere. For heaven's sake man haven't you seen breasts before?
Let us be clear, a girl in a bikini is displaying her body. She may not
fancy you and she may be after a good tan, but she is attractive and
attracting all the same. So what you have to do is not smile, or leer or
letch, you have to go and make nice direct conversation. Don't walk past
and simply say "Hi there", you have to go for a chat and make nice general
conversation whilst listening carefully for everything she has to say to
pick up on any clues about her availability and interest. Oh and by the
way - if you are holding your stomach in and breathing shallow, she
already knows you are looking like and idiot. And if you are more worried
about your all over tan than she is about hers, forget it.
So it is time to take action. Spot a girl you like who is as clearly
available and single as you can gather and then go over for some light
conversation and you will need to inject it with some good humour and
intelligent observation. If she has a friend you may go over with your
mate in tow too but that can be a recipe for disaster because if her
friend doesn't like your friend, their discomfort will lead to her friend
dragging your beach babe away. Sadly, as many guys know, a beach babe is
often accompanied by a beached whale.
So go it alone. Go for a chat with your sun-creamed damsel and be witty
and charming. Do not lay on her sun lounger and take over, offer to get
her and her friend a cold drink whilst you are there. Let them stay where
they are, don't invite them immediately to joining your 50 other male
friends unless they really seem keen to do so. The fact is, you may well
dazzle the girl with your pecs and abs but you are still going to have to
use some dynamic conversation to get her laughing. Make your initial
contact fairly brief but enough to stir her interest. Then initially
retreat to play games with your mates in the surf whilst she looks on and
discusses your potential with her friends. Later, it will be time for a
longer visit for better conversation.
When you go to the beach, guys, forget the ever-so-brief Speedos. Apart
from the fact that you will put almost every single girl on the beach off
you due to you not leaving anything to the imagination, your packed-lunch
needs to retain an air of mystery as this stage. So put it away and leave
the Speedo thongs at home. When you are an Olympic swimmer you can put
them on again. Get your surf shorts on (preferably a stylish make) and let
them flab in the breeze. Surf dudes are cool for very good reasons. By the
same token, any form of coloured sun block across the cheek bones should
be lost. You will look like an idiot.
As for sunglasses, you may usually look like Bono from U2 with your
fly-like shades but not here, my boy. Instead get yourself to the mall or
surf shop and buy some cool shades that don't have red neon lenses with
fractal mirror effects so the girls thing you are a loser. No, if I can
sum up this paragraph, it's stylish, stylish, stylish! You may think well
it's the beach, this doesn't matter. But girls notice everything and that
includes you so unless you wish to remain single, take heed of what I am
So, you are in shape, you are dressed well, you are subtle and you are
confident about making opening conversation. There are things that you can
bring to the beach that may help you in your beach babe quest. Consider
these without looking like you are building Everest base camp:
Drinks Cooler - Perfect for your beers and the offer of a refreshment for
the girls. The perfect opener.
Sun Cream - With that tanned hairless back, you now need someone to rub
cream in, so use one of the oldest lines in the book to its greatest
effect. "Hi, do you think you could assist me by rubbing some oil on my
back". You will rarely get refused if you select carefully.
Ball - The simplest round device can end up uniting a whole section of
beach in a volleyball tournament or football match. They are useful even
just to throw in the surf, though I once did use a coconut in Malaysia
(very heavy when full of water!). Basically, always be armed with whatever
toys can entertain. The exception is water pistols. Girls do not like
being splashed with water so forget it.
Radio, CD Player - Good and bad. You want to bring music to entertain the
troops but you do not want to play music wars with every other beat box on
the beach. By the same token you also do not want to ram your musical
tastes down the throat of everyone within half a musical mile. So work on
the subtleties of having a radio to attract, because it can. Do NOT lay
about with a personal stereo on as you will remain single (and deaf)
Boogie Boards - Go to the stall near the beach and buy a minimum of two of
these foam-fantastics. These are those things like you used to learn to
swim with but now jazzed up to roll about with in the surf for a spot of
belly surfing. If you have a collection then hand them out to the lovelies
you like and invite them in with you. Girls are rarely offered this kind
of opportunity so take the initiative. Now.
Beach Towels or Rug - this means something to lie on to build your base
camp. Anything will do except the 6 feet versions with imprinted pictures
of naked blondes. Once again, your mates may love it, but the girls will
think you're an idiot. Style, style , style fellas !
Do NOT ever bring a deck chair or lounger with you onto the beach. You are
supposed to be a man. You should be swimming and playing sports mainly and
if not you should be chatting to the girls you like. Wearing mirror shades
may be fun for girl spotting but to all the women on the beach you will be
classed as a pervert and ignored so lose them. Any invasion on the beach
of a video camera is also useful in displaying you as a perverted voyeur
so lose that as well. Girls will immediately think that you will be
posting the footage a few hours later onto a seedy site on the web. If you
can't wear it or put it in your mouth, it's unnecessary.
Whatever you do, ensure that you include the girls you are interested in,
in sports and activities on the beach. It is always nice to be included
and just because she looks like a mermaid or bikini goddess doesn't mean
she prefers to sleep all day. If she can laze about on your surf board in
the shallows or play ball in the waves, then make the offer. After all,
she can always smile and say no. And what's the problem with that?
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1. Use a reputable cyber-dating site - Make sure it has a good
2. Take your time - Get to know the person over the Internet and let
the relationship develop before you meet them in person. Keep the
old e-mail to compare the information they give you and watch for
3. Ask a lot of questions - This will help you detect liars and cons
and it will help you find out if you're compatible.
4. Ask a friend to read over the e-mail you receive - An unbiased
observer can spot warning signs you missed.
5. Don't believe everything you read online - People can pretend to
be whatever and whomever they like.
6. Don't give out personal information online - This is information
that would allow someone to find you offline, i.e. your full name,
where you work, where you live, your phone or fax number. Use an
anonymous e-mail address through services like Hotmail.com or
Yahoo.com. When setting up the account, be sure not to include any
of your personal information.
7. Start with a phone call - Use a public phone at first. Don't give
out your home number until you're comfortable.
8. Meet in a public place - If possible, take a friend with you. A
double date is a safe way to start. If you don't take a friend, go
someplace where there are people. Start with coffee or lunch.
9. Tell a friend - Make sure someone knows whom you are meeting,
where you're going and when you're coming back. Keep all the e-mail
and let your friend know where to find them if anything goes wrong.
10. Take a cellular phone.
11. Never leave public areas or go home with your date. Stay in
public until you know the person better.
12. Trust your intuition - If it doesn't feel right, it probably
13. Report any attacks or threats - Don't be embarrassed to report
problems to the police. Remember, if you don't report them, the same
thing could happen to someone else. Also, report any problems to the
online dating service you used.
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Guide to Writing Your
Online Personal Ad
I hate to say this guys but according to
recent polls (including our own) Males out number Females in on-line
dating. This gives an advantage to women since they have more men to
choose from. The disadvantage is, as a girl you may be oversaturated
with requests for responses, which most actually women don't mind. One
of the complaints of Men is they do not get enough responses to their
ad. This is why the size of the online dating service memberships' data
base is so important. Adultmatchmaker has by far the largest members
data base "Down Under". There is one important thing you can do, should
you wish, to increase the response rate to your profile;
It's rather simple and common sense, the
best thing, after choosing a good online dating service, that both
men and woman can do is take your time and write a good profile. You
should make a list of traits that you look for in a person. A simple
item like smoking may mean an instant no but if you forget to include it
in your Dating Profile you may find someone you would like to meet and
then end up months later finding out he or she smokes which ends the
relationship and the both of you lose a few months of your time.
One other major item that needs to be included with any profile are
pictures. The average statistic out there is people with pictures get 8
times more responses than people with out. It is also a good idea to
have more than one photo. The more pictures you have displayed the
better your responses will be. People like to see who they are
communicating with. You will be spending good money on a dating site so
don’t let it go to waste with out including a picture Here are some
Guidelines on how to write a successful Personal Ad:
Good Headline - You need an attention getting headline which
stands out above the rest and demands to be read. There are many ‘White
Man seeking love' out there. Spice up your headline with descriptive
words of yourself, it usually is the first thing people will see of your
Specific Details - You know who you are and what you want, tell
them about it! Almost everyone seems to enjoy 'moonlit walks,
candlelight dinners, and strolls on the beach'. Be specific about values
held and sought, in addition to naming hobbies and interests. If you
know your soul mate is a Buddhist, say so. If you are adamant about
remaining childless, convey that too. State your willingness to travel.
The woman in Paris may not respond when she notes you live in Rio, if
you fail to mention that geographic location is no barrier. What is your
personal mantra? Share it. The woman, who understands and appreciates it
best, is the one who will reply.
Honesty - The easiest way to ruin what might have been a
beautiful friendship is to lie. Hide the fact that you are a single
father of 5 year-old triplets, and miss a chance to find the woman who
wants to love them and share your parental joys.
Dishonesty will always be caught sooner or later. Allow others to make
informed decisions about what they will and will not accept, based on an
honest representation of yourself.
As a fit person you would likely be disappointed to learn that the woman
you've been writing for the last month weighs 250 pounds, and not 125 as
stated. She may feel likewise to learn you are the U.S. president, and
not the sole object of your adoration!
Be truthful and avoid the pain, heartache, disappointment and separation
caused by dishonesty. Open yourself to incredible happiness by allowing
others to love you as you are, for who you are.
Check out the competition. What attracts your attention to their
ads? Note those which stand out have clarity and are original, personal,
and direct. What can you say about yourself in a single sentence which
makes you irresistible to the opposite sex?
If you truly seek love and long-term commitment, comments here about
length, size and shape of 'physical' attributes are a turn-off to women
who seek men of intellectual, emotional, and spiritual substance.
Pornographic headlines are not accepted into the database. If you are
well-endowed with a fabulous sense of humour, use it! Nothing attracts
so quickly as laughter and goodwill.
Positive Nature - Let your natural exuberance and zest for life
shine through in your writing. Negativity repels. You may elicit an
offer from a counselling service if you project a woebegone, or suicidal
attitude, but you probably won't attract your soul mate.
Grammar & Spelling - You wouldn't show up on a first date
unwashed and unkempt, would you? Likewise, if your spelling skills are
somewhat lacking, consult a dictionary before submitting your otherwise
artfully crafted and well-thought-out ad.
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Creating An Effective Personals Ad That Gets Results:
Do's and Don'ts
by Anna Winters
Creating a great ad means selling your strengths and attributes.
Think of this as creating your personal resume. Many of the online
systems provide a multiple choice matching along with an essay. After
someone finds you with a "match", it is your essay portion that can make
you shine. It is crucial to fill out the essay completely, with at least
2 or three sentences per question asked. You can come back to the essay
later on many systems. You will spend 45 minutes to an hour filling this
out. People who do not fill out the essay are not taking seriously and
get passed on for other profiles that are more forthcoming. Be honest in
What to write about? Describe yourself honestly and accurately. Include
hard data such as your height, weight, body type, educational background
and profession. Show your personality. Talk about your hobbies,
interests, activities you enjoy, movies, books, or music you enjoy,
where you like to travel, and minimally about your work (do not give
your place of employment....keep it general such as: I am a nurse at a
local clinic, an accountant with a medium size company, etc). Don't
share too much information or write a book.....just write enough to get
them interested. You have to leave something to talk about later.
Share your feelings and experiences, not just facts about your life. You
don't want your profile to be a touchy-feely pile of mush (can you hear
your potential dates heading for the door?), but you do want to
communicate things people can relate to: where you're from, where you
are, where you're going in life, what makes you laugh, things you really
enjoy about life. DON'T fixate on only one aspect of your life: You may
love your dog, have a great career, live to ski, and those are great
things to talk about in your profile. But if you talk about that and
only that, you're going to come off as one-dimensional and obsessed.
Show your fully rounded self. Put your personality and humor into what
you write. Tell what you are like, and don't try to make false
impressions. False impressions will back fire in the online dating arena
as much as they will in the rest of your life. Relax, and let your true
self show through. There are people who will like who you are.
Don't dwell on your problems and limitations: This is not the place to
talk about why you got divorced, your last relationship didn't work out,
or problems at work. You can talk about this later after you get to know
someone. If you have children, mention them BRIEFLY with their ages and
sex. Do not spend time talking about your children or reveal their
names. People are wanting to look at a profile that focuses on YOU, not
your immediate family. You can talk about your childcare arrangements
and coaching little league soccer, etc later. People looking at your
profile want to know you have time for them. Focusing on your children
and their activities can give the impression that you will have limited
What you are looking for:
Think about who you are and what you are looking for. To make friends?
Fall in love? Meet someone to hang out with? Do you want something short
term or long term? Do you just want to chat with? (Ex. I am looking for
a cultured man between 32-45 who is a Christian, attends church, college
educated, and is into opera and gallery hopping). (Ex. Looking for a
down to earth gal between 22-30 that likes the country, camping, country
music, country dancing and NASCAR). Don't say that you are looking for
the love of your life and want to get married....this will scare a lot
of people away. Its good idea to state the general type of person you
are hoping to meet, but don't overdo it. If you set down too many
requirements you will miss out on the opportunity to meet some great
people, and quite possibly the one that is just right for you.
Words to Use and Avoid:
Affectionate, Likes to cuddle, interested in a committed relationship,
sensitive, great cook, romantic, caring, monogamous, down to earth,
looking for best friend, educated, sophisticated, loving, generous,
cute, reliable, my colleagues describe me as handsome, great legs,
petite, curvaceous, hourglass figure, gentleman.
Words to Avoid:
Some of the bad stuff I have seen in ads. (On some systems, you will get
terminated using some of this language whether in your profile or in an
email). These guys have read too many Penthouse magazines and need to
look in the alternative personals. Here is what NOT to put in a personal
on a regular/metro site: Well hung, great in bed, I'd love to satisfy
you, sexually insatiable, animal, great lover, oral, fuck, blow, make
love, erotic, uninhibited and any other sexual words. This stuff is
SCARY to most women and runs them off.You can tweak and improve your
profile as you go along.
Tweaking your profile:
If you're getting the type of responses you're looking for, great. If
you're getting responses from the wrong types of people or not getting
as many responses as you'd like, then review your profile and think
about how you can improve it and make yourself shine a little bit more.
Most matchmaking systems have a place for you to edit your essay and
parts of your ad. Take a look at it at least every couple of weeks.
How to search for a new friend:
Each matchmaking system has different ways of searching for compatible
profiles. Some have several ways. Typically these are MATCH, SEARCH,
FIND, and some allow you to make a Search Profile that you can reuse.
You can search by location, ideal height and weight, ethnic background
-- even by interest in having kids in the future.
A high percentage on a multiple choice match is a good start but read
the answers and look at the essay. The percentages may be great but then
the profile might be someone who sounds desperate and lonely, is someone
just looking for sex or has totally different interests and values.
If there is a photo, look at the photo and remember that the photo can
be one taken yesterday or 5 years ago. Unless the person is down right
unappealing, remember that amateur/family photos don't always make a
person look their best. Look for profiles that match your ideal
characteristics but also hit you the right way -- do the writers sound
funny? Intellectual? Love animals as much as you do? Like to travel?
It is up to you to post a photo. You will increase your response rate
TEN TIMES by posting a photo. People want to see who they are writing
to, and many don't want to start a correspondence and waste time with
someone that they don't know if there is even a initial attraction from
a photo. If you want a lot of responses, you'd better have a picture.
From my experience, and from what I've heard from others, it seems that
people who don't have pictures of themselves are usually hiding
something. So, if you don't have a picture, people are going to assume
you look like a dog. If you are a high profile person in the city you
live, offer in your profile to exchange photos from your personal (yahoo
or hotmail, not your real email address). Make sure you put an accurate
description of what you look like in your profile. You may want to say
what celebrity you closely resemble.
People who say they don't have a photo or don't have a way to get one on
line are either lazy or playing games. If you don't have a scanner at
home or work, take a photo to KINKO's (they are everywhere). Have your
photo or photos scanned in a .jpg format. Most matchmaking systems do
not allow you to send the zip files or unusable formats. Typically .jpg,
.gif, and .bmp is the limit and they must be sized down. Photos should
have a shirt on, clearly show your face (no sunglasses), well lit, no
swimwear (except for secondary shots) and no family in your primary
photo. Make sure you are smiling in the photo. (Who wants to meet
someone who looks angry and glum). Many companies allow secondary shots
that have your family and friends in the photos as long as you are in
the photo. Don't use a photo in which you're dressed too revealingly --
you want to look elegant and alluring, but a picture of you in a bikini
is going to attract the wrong kind of responses.
What should you not send? You car, house, boat, photos of your kids or
friends by themselves, photos where your face is the size of a pencil
head, photos with your ex, dark shots, anything revealing, etc. Send
your best photos. Remember, FIRST IMPRESSIONS may be your only chance.
Your most recent photo of you camping (once in 5 years) with the ball
cap on may leave a the impression that you don't want others to have.
Again, think in terms of a resume. How would you want an employer to
first see you? (Dressed nicely with your hair perfect). Ex. A good mix
would be primary photo in a business suit or polo shirt, secondary photo
out rock climbing with friends, third photo with two nephews at XMAS.
Out of Town or Unable to Answer email? Members of matchmaking systems
expect responses to their emails quickly. If you can't answer emails for
a week or two, edit your profile and at the top of the essay say "I will
be out of town for "x time frame" and will not have access to email.
Please ear mark my profile and write me back at "x time frame" and I
will be happy to respond when I return." This is especially important
during the summer months when people are on vacation and during
About the Author:
Anna Winters is a writer for singlesonthego, the largest singles groups,
singles events and activities website helping 500,000 plus readers
monthly find singles events in their city.
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The Art of Cyberfliting
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The Art of Cyberflirting
Want to bag a mate using an online
Dating Service but not sure how to do it? You can drive him wild
even though batting your eyelashes and flicking your hair won’t do
The Cyberflirt in
Online dating is great fun and
that’s why you need to be able to tap into your inner flirt.
Anyone can have a conversation online but flirting is another
issue entirely. Think about it. When you meet a man in a bar or at
a dinner party you flirt using body language and eye contact.
Neither of those is of any use dating online. Here, you have to
rely on timing, personality and instinct. The golden rule is this:
have fun, be natural and listen to your inner voice. Then
let your inner cyberflirt take over!
Flutter your Virtual Eyelashes
Making the first move is the
online equivalent of fluttering your eyelashes. Your initial
communication should be short, sweet and simple. Compliment
your prospect by highlighting something you’ve seen in their
profile. Before you sign off include an intriguing fact about
yourself. Be mysterious – everyone likes a challenge. If he
doesn’t respond, don’t worry, he’s simply not the one for you!
Hitting your Stride
This is the point at which, if you
were in a bar, he’d be buying you a drink. So, once you’ve hooked
his interest, you have to keep it. Since you can’t lean into his
personal space, play with your hair or flash that lovely smile,
your words must really do the flirting. If you want to continue
the conversation, make sure that your email or Instant Message
ends with a question. It will show you’re interested and he’ll
be eager to reply.
Timing is Everything
There’s no point rushing things.
After all, the mystery of someone new can only last so long. Enjoy
it. Tease your potential partner – make him wait for your
response. Keep him hanging for a few hours or a day. He’ll be
desperate to hear from you by then and you won’t seem over-eager
Play it cool – and Have Fun!
Flirting online doesn’t mean using
overt sexual come-ons – far from it. Try to be as natural as
possible and allow your personality to emerge. Don’t be afraid of
asking personal questions, but don’t get too heavy. If you’ve
found someone you can bond with, your conversation will come
easily. Be cheeky, be playful and above all, have fun.
After all, that’s what flirting is all about!
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to the Swinging Lifestyle
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If you are
interested in exploring the lifestyles of the swingers community
here is your chance to inform your self!
Couples new to swinging may
be at a loss as to how to fit in, and may be nervous. This is common and
quite natural. It is the responsibility of the hosts to acquaint you with
the structure of the party. They should also introduce you to others and
help you to become involved in conversation. You and your mate may also
wish to discuss in advance your particular method of swinging; if you will
As in any social activity, there are
expected rules of conduct in swinging. Following the rules are an
effective way to make yourself welcome within the swinging community. The
Golden Rule The Golden Rule in swinging is the right of anyone to say
"No". Improper handling of a situation, however, can lead to a lot of hurt
or bad feelings. The swing world accepts this rule that everyone has
This is a short compilation of Frequently
Asked Questions Swingers related. What sort of people are Swingers?
Swingers are interested in sexual adventure. Since the desire for sexual
gratification is inherent to the human race, Swingers come from all walks
of life, in all shapes, sizes and ages. She may be that attractive blond
on the beach, or he may be your doctor, or they may be the coup...
Here are some terms commonly used in the
swing community as well as others. You are more likely to use/see these
terms in the context of personal ads or messages posted to a message
boards. These are by no means the only terms swingers use but they will
give you a better understanding of what is meant when you see them. AC/DC
Person who enjoys both same sex and opposite sex sexual activity; Bi...
Reasons to Swing It is generally felt
that you can divide swingers into two categories; those who participate
for recreational and those who participate for utopian reasons.
Recreational swingers see swinging as a social activity much like bowling
playing tennis and cards. Utopian swingers have a general philosophy of
communitarianism and wish to share not only sex but all other aspects of
Richard Jenks has written an article
based upon the book The Lifestyle, a look at the erotic rites of swingers.
This relatively lengthy book provides an overview of the history and
contemporary nature of swinging, an inside look at the lifestyle (at least
as practiced in North America), and an examination of evolutionary
considerations. Please read the article at (copy and paste the full URL
This is a phenomenon frequently discussed
in the Norwegian media at the moment. Young girls have been through an
enormous sexual development the last years. They are among the most
liberated girls in the world. They now know what they want and they sure
dare to say it. Its now accepted in Norway that girls are having several
sex partners. Why should they not? Boys have been doing this for ages.
We are a young Swinging couple and we have our own philosophy about how to
get good swinger experiences. After all you are risking the relationship
with you loving partner! You should be careful and do it the right way.
First of all we think Full Swap and Soft Swap swinger couples should not
play together. At traditional swingers clubs most of the guests are Soft
Swap. Our experience is that it...
Hi! We are Emma and Tony an active
swinging couple from Brisbane whom recently have told our friends that we are
happy swingers. In this connection and others we have been asked about how
a Swingers-party is, how it progresses and what's happening. Therefore we
would like to share our general experiences of participating in a
Swingers-Party. Those parties that we have participated in have ...
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A Guide to Online Adult Dating in
Australia and Zealand -
- Hints & tips for when you first
join an online dating service
One thing that is common with most people when talking about online
dating is they approach it with a little apprehension at first.
Asking themselves, "Why am I doing this? Will I actually meet
someone I'll like? Aren't only people who can't get dates in
the real world trying online dating?" The truth is online
dating is growing and more accepted today. The reason is we
all have less time. In today's lifestyle and culture people
want more control in socializing. Many people are putting in
more hours at work these days and some are even juggling two jobs
leaving them little time to socialize.
This is where online dating comes in: you choose who you want
to talk to and when. You have a wide selection of people to
choose from, and often with their likes and dislikes right there to
read. So it is easy to find people you may share interests
with. These aren't random encounters at the bar but people you
have done a little research on and decided you want to know more
about and test the waters with a simple email message.
Who uses Adultmatchmaker?
Everybody. You can't point to one demographic because that's like
saying who goes to movies? It's essentially Australia's and
New Zealand's biggest singles bar. Except you can do it in
the privacy of your own home and take your time to read about
someone and get to know them by e-mail and phone before you ever go
The Expansion Of Online Dating
Online dating is growing. Socializing online is increasing as
internet connections speed up with DSL and make it easier to
navigate online. The future of matchmaking online will get
more advanced and fun - with videos, live voice, and more.
Again, the great thing about socializing online is you can be very
exact about what you like and dislike right off, and choose people
who share those interests or you may even want to meet someone who
does something you would like to know more about. You will not
only meet someone new but take part in a new activity. You
might not like tennis but this person is such a good teacher that
you come to enjoy not just this person's company but their sport and
being around them. Online dating just expands your
opportunities to meet more diverse people.
Should you look
for dates online if you're not that serious?
do it if you're in a bad place, but this can serve whatever purpose
you want it to serve. Think of it like joining the gym. You can join
the gym and work out six days a week, workout three days a week, one
day a week, once a month. You get out what you put in.
- Have fun!
- Fill out registration honestly.
- Ask and answer questions.
- When email exchanges move to the phone you can read a lot by the
tone of voice. Also, pay attention to their
ability to listen and communicate.
Don't give out
personal information (home address for instance) until you know you
want to go on a date with this person.
Meet the person in
a neutral zone. At a cafe or restaurant - a public place.
Diversity of Users
There are all types of people online just as in the real world.
There are people who just want to have fun and may back out at the
last minute. Others may act more serious and want to find
their 'one true love'. Next there might be the socializing
chatter brain who just to meet a bunch of people and not actually go
on a date. Finally, the largest group, the dedicated searcher,
focused and definitely online to find a date and make a connection.
You will probably find a mix of all these kinds of people, so have
fun and choose wisely, usually your first thought is the right one.
If you are unsure ask a friend for advice.
Find The Right Relationship Match
The key is finding the person who wants the kind of relationship you
are looking for. Whether you want a serious long term
relationship or a friend to go out with. The relationship may
be platonic at first, but could lead to something more.
Good Advice: Be Patient
Make sure the person you might meet has answered all your questions.
If pressured move on, don't rush into anything.
Ask Stupid Questions
Some people might not lie outright but may hide the fact that they
are not really single but have a girlfriend or boyfriend or are even
married. If you get a sense that something isn't right, it
most likely isn't right. Ask and see if they can erase your
1. No definitive answers. You ask how old they are and
they respond it doesn't matter for example.
2. Following up and reliability. Doing what they say
they were going to do. Simply responds when they say they are
going to respond.
3. Consistency in writing style.
4. Doesn't want to exchange pictures.
5. Only emails late at night and in a cryptic style that is
hard to understand.
6. Immediately wants to meet or says I love you after just a
few messages. (Obviously a red flag!)
An overall good idea in online or dating offline is follow your
instinct. The great thing about online dating is you can pick
and choose easily and not necessarily go out on an awkward first
The Steps To Offline Dating
Again, take your time. Don't skip any of the steps that are
the normal course of online dating.
1. Meet online anonymously.
2. Chat and exchange emails: dislikes and likes, shared
3. Speak over the phone.
4. Meet in a public place. Possibly with friends at a
party for example.
You could add exchange pictures to this short list.
Writing A Personal Ad
Try to type something up before you go to the site to post your ad.
You are marketing yourself, essentially creating a brief resume but
rather than for a job, for a date or love. Take the time to
craft a fun and clever ad.
You will also need to select an alias. This should be an
attention grabbing name and should give some clues to who you are
and tell a little bit about yourself since this is the first thing
people will see. Your alias might be funny and clever, tell
something about your personality, tell something about what kind of
relationship you are seeking, and be more a descriptive combination
hinting at your personality and showing what kind of date you are
You could also use your alias to let people know about one of your
passions or hobbies. If you enjoy dancing you could have an
alias like dancinggirl or salesman or if you like sports you could
use the alias skigirl or soccerboy. Although you should only
use an alias that relates to one of your passions or hobbies if it
is truly something you are passionate about because it will not only
attract people with those similar kinds of interests but exclude
those that don't enjoy those activities. This is what is
great about online dating, you can narrow down and find exactly who
you are looking for.
Make It Sell
Again, you are basically marketing yourself. If you say 'fun
girl' you will probably attract a lot of guys simply looking for a
good time. So you have to think about what kind of people you
want to get responses from.
Another thing to think about is when choosing an alias you need it
to stand out amongst all the others. You can do this by
referring to something unknown or esoteric and only those who know
what you are talking about will be in on the reference. For
example you could mention a writer or actor you enjoy and attach
that to your alias like Rowlinglady (referring to JK Rowling the
author of Harry Potter) or merylstreepwoman, this can also hint at
what you look like if you look similar to the actress Meryl Streep
for instance. Having a hidden reference can also give you and
the person you're contacting something to chat about when first
exchange messages. Acting like a spark for the initial
Another option you have when creating an alias is to have it say
something about what your like or what the dating experience might
be like with you: funlovingdude, or shygirl, goodkindofbad,
hittheclubs, studiousbutfun. Also, you could give an idea of
what kind of relationship you want, seriouslovelady, lifelove,
kindhearted, justbrokeup, huggable, or justfun. Try to get
creative and the bottom line in the online dating world is to have
fun, express yourself, and be safe by listening to your own internal
instincts, trust them.
On The Front Page: Create A Headline
The dating website will want you to write a headline for your ad.
Potential dates will only see this at some sites, so it is
important, just as when creating an alias, to have it get people's
attention and say something about yourself or give clues to what
you're like. The more it intrigues people the more clicks you
will get and visits to your profile. You can take a similar
approach to your headline as with your alias, incorporating a little
about yourself or going the clever, funny route - below are a few
"I'm Worth It"
"You Won't Be Disappointed"
"Seriously Studious But Full of Fun"
"Sunsets and Walks On The Beach"
"Ask and You Shall Receive"
"Scratch and Sniffable"
"People Usually Lick, I'm Like Me"
As said before, you can definitely come up with some better one's.
Truthfully Describe Yourself & What Kind Of Relationship You Want
Don't lie about your appearance if you want the potential
relationship to work out. If you're a little chubby say so,
you may find a great work out partner, your alias could be
dietpartner even. If you're tall, say so, this is another
reason why online dating has grown in it's popularity. The way
that it can narrow down your selections and match people. If
you're tall and want to connect with someone who is equally tall you
can put that in your ad and those that qualify will click to your
ad. You are in control. You can pick, select, and
There are all types of people online and they can search for
specific traits. If you are looking for a serious
relationship, say so, if your looking for fun, say so. You
will get what you want and get responses based on what you ask for.
This way you are also not deceiving anyone and being upfront.
People will appreciate that. Nobody wants to be duped or
tricked. In this way, apply this throughout the process of
setting up your personal ad, in your headline, alias, and ad itself
try to write honestly and from the heart, and don't forget to have
fun doing it.
Say Something About Yourself
You can list things you like and activities you enjoy or your job
and career goals but also try to give a view into the way you think
or the views you hold. Although you still want to have fun and
try to be clever.
"Make love not war. Really let's make changes in this world.
Do you agree?"
"From a big family, want to make one together."
"Yes I recycle and don't eat meat but I can be bad. I'll give
you a demonstration."
"Like whispering in girls ears. Need I say more."
"Enjoy walks. Enjoy the outdoors since I grew up near the
Be Honest, Yet Draw Them In
You can do this by giving a general description of what you've done
but not give up all the details. For instance, say you enjoy
music, "Love Music", instead of saying exactly what kind, or if you
want to be specific you can of course say, "Love Hip Hop", this way
you narrow down who clicks on your ad, or you can name an artist or
musician you love.
However, if you get too specific you may exclude a number of people
that might be right for you. Another example of how you can
arouse people's interest is by instead of just saying you enjoy
traveling, you can say, "Been to five different countries in one
trip," or rather than listing all of the countries you've visited
right off. Along the same lines you might say, "Speak love and
two other languages." Here you are kind of incorporating all
the different levels of a good ad, clever, fun, sparks an interest,
and gives someone a sense of your personality. Another example
could be, "Professional Recreational Sports Star." This is a
heading that is somewhat funny and may get people to ask what sport
do you play recreationally/ professionally.
Another way to get draw people in and get them curious about your ad
is to ask a question or give them a riddle to decipher:
"Get up and have a coffee or get up an have juice?"
"Write to me in two languages."
"Just finished school. Finish this sentence: I want to
These give a hint at your personality and at the activities you
enjoy and makes the initial dating process interactive and fun.
Be specific when describing yourself. Most sites will have a
form to fill out to list your physical characteristics. As was
stated before, the truth always comes out, so in the beginning be
truthful and you will be rewarded down the road.
Be polite, sincere, and positive. Say what you want rather
than what you don't like, instead of "hate drunks", say "Can party
without cocktails." Try to give people the sense that you are
open to new things and willing to try new things.
There is almost nothing more fulfilling than creating something and
expressing yourself clearly and sincerely all the while having fun
doing it. Also, the fun will only increase once you start
receiving feedback and prospective dates start lining up in your
inbox. So create that amazing or funny Nike, Bud, BMW, Amazon
or Super bowl advertisement right at the matchmaking site. Of
course, you can always improve upon it too, cutting and adding
things as you begin to get responses and feedback. It's not
set in stone, your online personal ad is more like clay and yours to
sculpt and mold.
Personal Ad Mistakes
As was stated earlier, don't list everything you enjoy doing like a
shopping list. State a few things you like to do and expand
upon them. You may feel like giving people a glimpse in on how
you came to love doing this or that. For example, you may love
tennis because you like to challenge yourself individually or you
may like playing basketball because you enjoy the team camaraderie.
Or you may have fallen in love with playing soccer because you used
to play basketball but weren't tall enough and switched to soccer.
Have fun with it but also try to give a little history behind the
hobbies and sports you enjoy. Don't mention past relationships right
off, or keep it short and sweet if you do.
Less Is More
Too much information, as in a list of a million things you do or
like is almost overwhelming. Try to be succinct and capture
the readers attention with a concise description or sentence or two.
Of course you need to give enough information to give people an idea
of what your like but try not to ramble on. It is almost as if
you're creating an ad slogan for your profile. A catch phrase
that sums up your personality or grabs the attention of visitors.
You want to show and not just tell in your ads. Try not to say
I'm an intelligent or a funny man or woman but rather show this in
your writing with clever word play or even by making fun of
yourself. The latter is another key to dating online, don't
take yourself too seriously, adopt a self-deprecating style, this
As is said at the beginning of this site, everyone approaches online
dating with similar worries and fears. You can discuss this
with your potential date how you are so busy, and how the world has
changed and people work more and longer hours and don't have time do
even date or just get so wrapped up in their work they almost forget
how to date. You get into such a routine, work and then to the
gym and then to your house and then do a little more work until you
have to go sleep and get up and do it all over again. So
be confident in your personal ad and don't stress on the initial
foreignness of online dating. Dating online is losing the
stigma of being just for computer geeks. More people are
trying it and finding that is it easier than going to the bars or
the clubs. You are in control and choose who you want to talk
to or chat with.
Don't use funky fonts, colours, or caps. People don't want to
be screamed at when you post a message, here simplicity is good.
Responding to Ads
This goes along with being honest. You need to follow the ad
writer's wishes. If they say only looking for people of a
specific religion or background then move on. Don't waste
their time or yours. Or, if they want you to answer a certain
question, answer it. Try to reply to someone's ad with a
response that you would enjoy receiving.
Good luck and have
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